Seeking the Dark Tower

On the path that eventually leads to the clearing in the woods, the Charyou Tree. Fraught with danger, fear and loss, and yet, fulfillment. Welcome.

Saturday, April 30, 2005

Intermission

whats one of the best things in life (on an ass-hot-as-hell day)?

lazing around, sippin on a miller's.
classic pixelated sprites of DOOM at the helm, interspersed with chitchatting and then some dead like me.
Theres one final paper but it feels like the end already. Well, it is in sight anyway, and the worst is over.

Dont remind me, i witnessed the LAMENTATIONS of men and the WEEPING of women back in the exam hall for chemistry. Sea of chem equations huh? More like bloody perfect storm of resonance and electron pushing

Well at least today's south asia paper was a hoot. mere vomiting of facts. I tried to input a joke even, if you could believe me. As Spencer had put it so well, South Asian modules are basically out to gain sympathy votes, making the papers easy as hell, while putting in as much (depressing, really!) video clips of the atrocities done against the untouchables, the myraid gender and caste inequalities, the lamentations of the women displaced by civil war, the men weeping for their fates within the karmic wheel, all in an effort to mask the fact that the lectures are really, desperately boring, and worthless in any case. I attended not one full lecture, and the readings are still alien to me. Tip: Wiki and google are your best friends. Especially when it comes to essays. Grin.

Second bottle. Muscle relaxant.
It is really pleasant stuff, with a very good dry, nutty flavour with light froth, and a light nice colour. It is almost at room temoerature. Reflection shows that the world cannot be all that bad when there are such pleasures in it.
My brain tells me that the world might end in 5 days for me
Oh, is it so?
Quite sure, it is statistics after all.
Third bottle. Corona this time, im out of miller's. Muscle relaxant.
Curiously i ask, will i see the weeping and hear the lamentations again?
Ah, you can opt to block it out, you know, says my brain.
True, true.
Panic?
Not suprised, my brain replies.
So what now?
Well, what do you want to do?
Erm, i do deserve a break, after all this ruckus, no?
Go ahead then, brain replies.
The beer's taking effect. Muscle relaxant indeed. Incidently, did you know that the yeast they use for brewing beer is called Sacromyeces Carlsbergenesis? I didnt. It is a revelation. The god of the worldly alcohol happens to be a microscopic eucaryote, the one whose cousins infest so many vaginal linings, giving a lovely itchy case of thrush-like symptoms to the fortunate female. Interesting aint it?
Corona happens to be a 'lady's drink', and coupled with a slice of lemon, is just heavenly. Unfortunately i happen not to have any lemon slices, so its merely pleasant.
Muscle relaxant. Good.

I wonder and ponder upon the distant peaks of calculus and statistics.

This post required over an hour to write.
This is yc, one of the last few survivors (barely) of the chemistry exam massacre, signing off.

Saturday, April 23, 2005

Part 2: Denizens of the night, toweled

In response to query on nick:

TRAUMATISED BY GIRL IN TOWEL says:
I GOT GREETED BY A GIRL CLAD IN A TOWEL!
kyle katarn kicks ass says:
WOOO!
TRAUMATISED BY GIRL IN TOWEL says:
AND ONLY IN A TOWEL!!!!!!!
kyle katarn kicks ass says:
WOOOOOOO!!
kyle katarn kicks ass says:
I WANT THT!!!
TRAUMATISED BY GIRL IN TOWEL says:
SHE WAS SO OBVIOUSLY HAVING SEX OMG!
TRAUMATISED BY GIRL IN TOWEL says:
*DIES*
kyle katarn kicks ass says:
*speechless*
TRAUMATISED BY GIRL IN TOWEL says:
I SPOILT THE MOMENT!!!!!!!
kyle katarn kicks ass says:
was she hot?
TRAUMATISED BY GIRL IN TOWEL says:
In a way?
TRAUMATISED BY GIRL IN TOWEL says:
XD
kyle katarn kicks ass says:
WHY NOTHING LIKE THIS EVER HAPPENS IN MY BLOCK!?!?!?!?!?
kyle katarn kicks ass says:
25345R@#%$#@%$#%@$#%@$t
TRAUMATISED BY GIRL IN TOWEL says:
you SO SUCK
kyle katarn kicks ass says:
wanna switch rooms?
TRAUMATISED BY GIRL IN TOWEL says:
NO?

and then further tantalizes:

"Had enough of boppy techno music coming from the room below me. Hence went off to tell the person off"
*knocks on door*
*NO REPLY*
GRR. *KNOCK KNOCK KNOCKKNOCKKNOCKKNOCKKNOCKKNOCK*
Person: *behind door* Yes?
*KNOCKS*
Person: One moment!
*waits*
*DOOR OPENS*
THEN THERE WAS A HOT CHICK CLAD ONLY IN A TOWEL!!!!!! A SHORT TOWEL!!!!
OO! *BRAIN GOES KAPLUT* Gah?

gosh.. i sho wanna live over at KR ferawhile. XD. nothing fun ever happens in pgp. 'cept for damn squishies. UGH. not FAIR. all i get is bloody disgustiputinomgwtfaergh squishy stuff. NOT FAIR!

gannalach

woke up with the word "gannalach" or "gehn-na-luck" in my head. What the heck was that? curious enough to google it,
"ganna" = some celtic priestess / rituals performed / something related to genius
"genna" = rare name. origin from where i know not.
"gehenna" = hell (!?)
"lach"(luck)=laughter.

now whatever does that mean?


Meanwhile, ive found out what or who is tenhauser.
It is derived from the name "Tannhäuser", this knight and poet, who found the Venusburg, or subterranean home of Venus, and spent a year there worshipping Venus. After leaving the Venusburg, Tannhäuser became filled with remorse. He travelled to Rome asking Pope Urban if it would be possible to be absolved of his sins. Urban replied that it was just as impossible for his papal staff to blossom. Three days after Tannhäuser returned to Vienna, Urban's staff supposedly bloomed with flowers.
staff supposedly bloomed with flowers.

Algernon Swinburne's poem Laus Veneris published in 1866 explores the destructive power of Venus' love:

'Her little chambers drip with flower-like red, ...
Her gateways smoke with fume of flowers and fire,
With loves burnt out and unassuaged desires
Between her lips the steam of them is sweet
The languor in her eyes of many lyres... ...
Her beds are full of perfumes and sad sound,
Her doors are made with music, and barred round
With sighing and with laughter and with tears,
With tears whereby strong souls of men are bound.'
( -wikipedia.com)

Tenhauser gate hence has its meaning - gateway to certain 'paradise' in guise (venusburg) or gateway to absovlement of sins?

(geekspeak - Tenhauser gate was mentioned by the replicant Ray as some sort of 'civil war' was ongoing, and the Kushans had defended the Bentusi from the Taiidani at this similarly named Tenhauser gate - significance?)

And then, theres the eye of Arran (supposedly a vast systems of gates?), Balcora as well. now what do THESE mean?

stepped on OMGWTF?!

wow. not attended more than 2 lectures, which i left halfway anyway. Never touched the notes till 2 days ago. thank goodness for the encyclopedias read and rambles to the beaches etc etc yadayaday.Thank goodness for those 5kg-each texts that i was allowed to bring in. I do expect aa A+ no less. I deserve it. i DESERVE IT.

one down four more to go. wooosh.

and something that happened was UEARGH!$%^OMGWTF#STEPPEDONAFR3#KINGP8D!!!!
you know when you bathe you take off your specs, so its near blindness for me. so yes, saw what i thought was a washed off shampoo label, i was bathing with soap and water draining out the sinkhole mixed with good ol' bathoom bacteria and God knows what else until i @#$FREEAKINGSTEPPEDONIT.
squish?
EEEuuuRRGHHH.
theres no bleach unfortunately.
i think i know whose (leftbehinds) it is but i think i owe her a big favor so ill keep mum.
but no way in hell am i going to touch that thing. may the next poor soul touch it and squirmel.
God! guys squirmy on stuff like that, you say?! you aint no guy; who are you to say.

bleahhh.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

30 rules skippy sets

Things not to go in general for skippy:

1. I am not allowed to moon the congregation
2. I am not allowed to perform the sacrament of St. Jack the 80-Proof.
(2.1No spiking of communion wine with LSD)
(2.2 Nor am I allowed to slip a roofie to any nubile young church-goers, no matter how sexually frustated I am.)
3. My miter is not a toy.
4. When in the Popemobile, Cardinals are not worth 10 points each.
(4.1. This is not because they are actually worth 111 points.)
5. Feeding Frenzies at Mass are bad.
6.It's "kiss the ring", not "pull my finger".
7.The sceptre is not a 'boom stick'. Ever.
8.There is no beatification betting pool. Even if there was, it would be unfair of me to enter9.The other Cardinals have probably read the Bible too. Therefore I should not make up new 10.verses, chapters, or gospels to justify smiting someone
11.The Vatican does not have casual Fridays.
12.Am not allowed to Body Surf off the balcony of the papal apartments.
13.Am not allowed to "Throw up the Horns" no matter how "Fucking Metal" I think Jesus was.
(Yea, Verily you have quoted www.penny-arcade .com and that has made me happy)
14.Am not allowed to use "Battle Pope" as an example for my papal behaviour.
15.Am not allowed to raid the Vatican treasure vaults to score some high grade weed.
16.Am not allowed to randomly bless things just to watch my underlings have to venerate them as holy relics, no matter how hilarious it may be to watch them genuflecting to the Sacred Wad of Used Tissue
17.The Swiss Guard are wearing extremely impressive uniforms that carry a weight of tradition and respectability, not stripy pyjamas, and I would do well to remember this.
18.Am not allowed to excommunicate the Popemobile driver due to his refusal to sing the Batman theme every time he drives me.
19.Am not allowed to throw other people off the balcony of the papal apartments, no matter how much I want to test that infallibility thing.
20.Am not allowed to do the "Vatican Rag" as an opening to morning mass.
21.Am not allowed to serve blutwurst at mass in lieu of communion wafers and wine.
22.I am not to begin refering to them as "Big Daddy, Junior and the Spook."
23.The Angel Gabriel should be referred to as the Angel Gabriel, not as the Snob.
24.Am not allowed to make fun of The Metatron's accent
(24.1. Even if it reminds me of the Sheriff of Nottingham)
25.Blessings from the balcony do not mean I get to sing "Don't Cry For Me Argentina"
26.The mitre is not appropriate for kung-fu fights
27.Referring to any of the papal wardrobe as "my bling" is generally frowned upon
28.Am not allowed to post secrets of which cardinal I am boffing this week on
29.I should not expect "Sieg Heil" when i wave my hand at the masses from my balcony.
30."They've elected Supreme Chancellor Palpatine to the title of Pontiff. The jedi are doomed."
nyehehheh.

With this done i now have a special place waiting for me in hell, next to Jim Morrison, Unabomber and Mdm Ciccone on the 7th level of hell.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

*YC gets his legolas on*

ive done it. smashed it. twanged an arrow through my window and actually smashed a glass.
stupid stupid stupid. how many times has a (and its usually kids!!) person watched some action flick, then gone out to the yard attempting to reenact a really cool scene and in the process hurt himself or some other?
*thod!*
*2 seconds silence*
*smash!!*
it is good no one was in my room when the arrow flew true to its target, say true. I tolm mom i had knocked it off accidently with my elbow.
Oh, and my room's like, 2nd floor.
*Hey can i hold the bow horizontally 'cause it looks soo cool!*
I have got to get myself the book of lost tales and the simarillion soon (and the lay as well?). Browsing through the online arda encyclopedia is no longer enough, i want everything in full spendor.
(jet i would like if it were possible to borrow any of the books which you have in duplicate or heck even triplicate pretty please)
Luthien resembles arwen. I wonder how beren would look like.
Madness. now is not the time to be musing on firstborn genetics and hair colour. Exams are not looming they are Here already and still i do this.


"people dont really question why so - most turn to religion for that"
"Man's greatest folly is the question - Why So?"
"Religion is the opiate of the masses"
"Trust in me and you will recieve, if not you might as well be damned"
"He makes all thing beautiful and fulfils all His promises." (what promises?)
"Its just faith"
The worst thing for anyone is to be halfway in halfway out. HAve discussed this with so many people and the best way so far is to take a backseat clinically-disinterested view. it is 3.41 and i feel like hurling. I cant do anything. I cant sleep either.

Note: No, No, No, No, NO! No more! I might once feel Cort's blows and forever pass out west. The hand would stay, the legs bound.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Read: PERSONAL.

is it so hard maintain privacy? Is it so damn hard to maintain privacy? Some idiots with a motive go around hacking into other's blogs and selectively extract some comments. And the very next minute the SINGAPORE NEWS is all over it. *snap* just like that, my friend's an instant star, a full half page of glory. And the news - dont they have some really important government's policy to report on? Or tell the tale of how some old granny got robbed? or bugger people on their views on the casino? First our sweet webcast adventure, now some little remark blown up to epic proportions.. A blog is "an online diary; a personal chronological log of thoughts published on a Web page", yo! Read: DIARY, read: PERSONAL. For hell's sake he even had it locked up. But theres no stopping the wolves is there. Maybe they'll sate their thirst, having finally drawn blood eh. They dont tell everything either. just enough to damn.
Its a wonder there isnt any full page 'mention' of jumping susie; i guess she's been real lucky already. Are they running so low on juicy news that some perosnal blog could make a prime story? ST is the shits then. Not any better than a tabloid.

Saturday, April 16, 2005

damn neandethal

there is a goddamned neanderthal singing in the next room. hes twice the size of DN and rippling with muscular fat, which explains why im not too keen to tell him off.

where is the magnum when i need it?

I just got back my SN1101E term paper. 81 marks. Rather pleasant suprise for something whipped up with paraphrasing and guesswork. Hoots. that should pave my way to an A for this topic.
Likewise for BioD, gotten A to A+ for all my essays and quizzies. That will make the difference when it comes down to the crunch. I must get an A+ for this.
Needless to say for Evolution as well. Been getting A- for all my essays and reviews, so ive got to get that extra oomph to make it to the plus zone.
So far, so good.
Days been nothing but work work work. Slow work too. Essay taking too long. Bodyclock all wrong too. will need to readjust by thetime it comes to the exams. or im royally screwed.

ive finally warmed myself back into the wildfilms group. not too keen about their exploding timtam initiation rites. Scares me. Exploding biscuits, and mention of the eyes, ears and nose.. Doesnt really paint a pretty picture.

This is really dreary. and its drizzling again. gah.

back to work.

Friday, April 15, 2005

memes and genes; disney's frozen hope

Why did Disney freeze his head? Just a little musing......

Most probably exclusive for us humans, we have more than one set of information to propogate.
the first is digital information in the form of DNA genetic codes. We pass them on by procreation. But with the onset of 'higher thought' and 'self conciousness' ( i use these terms loosely), our thoughts take a life of their own. We create a thought, we want to spread it, and make sure it survives. I mean, just look at conversations these a days. People mostly want to be heard but arent really interested in hearing what others have to say.

So maybe this is the reason why people want to lenghthen their lives, or if possible, become immortal. This way, these thought organisms (the collective thoughts = thought collective = TC of a brain) would be able to churn out more babies (thoughts) and try to influence people to accept it, remmeber it. Like how each emperor or pharoah would build his tomb larger, more grand than the previous one. It is a fact that our brains wil eventaully wither and die, but the TC can never grow withered (there is no 'limiting factor' to the reproductive capacity of a TC other than the physical brain that carries its essence, and the initial capabilities of the thought collective itself, i.e. intelligence ) and seeks to escape its physical boundaries, and some of them do make the jump: books, schools of thoughts etc.

Look at Socrates, his thoughts (clones) live on in books and are propogated to even other minds (schools of thoughts), or colonization if that may be the word to use. Immortality is achieved? Maybe, but the reproductive/growth cababilities of these thought-collectives is somewhat halted with the death of the original TC; it can no longer build upon its own ideas, and must rely on other colonised TCs to help it propogate. This propogation isnt necessarily of high fidelity; these colonised TCs will eventaully adapt and change socrate's TC for their own use in the light of different environments and influences.

And this must be what disney feared; which is probably why he froze his mickeymouse head in a freezer and hoped that future scientists could bring his TC back to life. And see his mice in their million hordes. Viva la Mickey!

Kev; comments?

Thursday, April 14, 2005

get a faceful of redbull flavoured sticky cream pie!

was googling for chemical response to predators by prey species when i came across this link:
http://pharyngula.org/index/weblog/comments/lobster_vs_sea_hare/#continue

It tells of how the sea hare escapes its would be predators by "slamming its would be predator (ie lobster) with a faceful of red-bull flavored cream pie" as it squirts out its mucousy excretements. Appareantly it squirts out 2 types of fluids; the usual purple dye, which clouds the water while the hare makes its escape. Even curiouser, it also squirts a sticky whitish fluid (erm.) that contains taurine, lysine etc; these redbull components actually send mixed signals to the predator, fooling it. The poor bugger gets confused and starts working its mandibles, eating water and thrusting its claws into the sand while lunch twitches off, laughing. And studies show that its actually the white secretions that save the hare most of the time; if it only secreted the purple dye, it would 80% of the time be lobstermunch.

Maybe i should keep some sea hares in school and lick them like those amazonians lick poison tree frogs. then i wont need to buy endless cans of redbull. And if i get hungry i have a live snack.

rumors

woah. heard rumor of jumping susie this morning. just as i was about to sleep. blk 3 pgp no less. wonder what made her do it. Heard tht mgmt HAS to send an email soon, ever since the stabbing of the engin prof. Sigh. Poor girl. Hope they dont go down to handcuff the girl's body or something; enough dignity's been lost already. Nah. I hope it remains a rumor, no more.

=================================================================

Just dawned on me how little time i have left to the exams when i drew out my exam time table. Erk. and i just realised i misread the damn thing, and have one last paper on freaking FIFTH MAY. not 29th apr, nooo, 5th may. Ah well least ill have 5 days to mug up on stats, my worst subject. The rest of you, shut up, i dont want to hear when you end no more. ARGH.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

arrogant disgust

goddarnit its always only at 2 when my brain finnaly chugs to life. Before that it goes on strike and my body is held ransom. This is not good. Im wearing my body out, sleeping at (FIVE NOW!!) and am getting really wierd symptoms that my body dosent usually show. Reminds me of INSOMNIA by King. Next ill be seeing auras. Hyperreality. Goin to see the sch meddoc tmr. Im convinced im filled with trypanosomes or lancets or flukes or something, clogging up my system.

Helped Jack vet his essay today. Sometimes i feel he's friending me just use my knowledge of biology. Its not entirely baseless, those of you who know him should know how much results mean to him. And he acknowledges it outright. Disgusts me somewhat.

Ive found out that my critical thinking and knowledge processing has grown tremendously the past 6 months. This is what you get for using the brain, i guess. I am able to refute if i choose, most of what people say, or at least give them pause in their thoughts. I love evo for being able to correct all those.. ingoramuses in class. OR Bio-D, becoming almost like a teach myself to my friends. Im prize property during bioD pracs see? And being invited to BioD lab helpouts and evo-bio lab for eventual research.. omg. im the only guy in class he asked i think. Or at least showed up at the lab. Alright ill get straight to the point. With all this new power and new knowledge, i fear that i might become too arrogant with myself. Too smart. Too complacent. But one must remember that one can never learn or know enough. No matter how confident you are over an issue, situation, person, question is, there is always something to be learned, gained from there. I must always remember this. What was that phrase? Always the student, not the teacher. From Jet i think. Always to learn. Always to recieve. Fools open mouths the most.

Perhaps my arrogance is the reason why i am becoming more intolerant of certain people. Very evident, for those of you who know. Thanks to those who remind me and keep me in check. Those who might encourage, well, thanks anyway. I cherish critisism more than praise and encouragement.

So maybe i should be less harsh on DN and freddie krueger. Or that fule who does that take my hand thing. We are all humans after all. But if DN leaves his room open with lights on etc on more time... oh help me then..

yc

Saturday, April 09, 2005

'he lives in a world of his own'

'he lives in a world of his own'

now, yeah i agree. Dear Neighbour, i mean. Its freaking 4am. His Laptop is still paused 1/2way through some comedy, his door is wide open, fans and lights fully on. He's half naked and is sleeping on bare mattress - no sheets or covers. Darn. So i wake him up. Dude you might want to like turn off your laptop n lights or something. He gets up like the undertaker sitting up, smiles at me, and "mmmmmeeeeeeehhhhh?" in a really freaky high pitch voice. Fuck that. Dude, you registering me? "uh huh". You wanna turn your stuff off? "mmeeeehhh?" *shakes head*. Plops head back to dirty pillow.

Uh huh. Dont say i didnt try. Tommorrow if i question him about it, he'll just smile that dumb smile, and go ayyyyduuddee, i treat everyone like brothers and the whole world will treat me the same. Right. Except that you can see that he knows it isnt so. Ive never seen anyone soooo... foolish. This is NOT the first time. I count over 5 times i had to wake him up, with him sprawled over the bed. Its not like he fell asleep on the table or anything. Bugger had crawled from chair to bed to snooze coz he was too damn lazy. Or the time he left his lappie wallet and blah in the kitchenette and went ot snooze in his room. this fool is taking things for granted. Sooner or later something will get stolen and we'll be obliged to mobilize to find it and feel sorry/guilty/etc for not looking out for him. Fucking liability.
One of these days i should just steal and hide something of his to teach him a lesson. It would be so darn easy. Better me than a real live one.

Yeah im peeved and ranting coz i cant sleep yet and that fool's snoozing like a goddamned baby. Oh to shoot some fools, to shoot some fools, if i could.

UA went well today.. even had a brush with cutedom waitress. Rena you saw!! She was sooo TEH CUTE! heheh. Makes the day. She had that really nice wink in her eyes. Bah, id always freeze up in such situations. Should have asked her for extra cake or something. Bleah. Then fariz comes scaring me with hunches of olivia stealing glances - NOT APPRECIATED - she looks like... OLD! GAH! omgwtf i feel raped!! what the hell was she doing with her eyes that pervert.
Managed to make 40 plus bucks along with free dinner and cake. Quite a good deal for waiting, carrying (TWO!) chairs and then sitting outside the event room playing petal wars and etc. Thats almost half of colin's thumbdrive now. Another 40 to go. Rena looks really poufed. Wish i could do something. Ben looks mighty fine for a guy who jsut recovered from tummy flu. Hate tummy flu. Hates it. Bad bad bad.

GODS. The bugger really dosent care. His lights still switched on. Fucking liability, fucking waste of electricity, fucking lazyass foolish TWIT. Gah..

Let sleeping cables lie. Let sleeping fools lie around their deeds. Lord help me sleep, please.

Friday, April 08, 2005

kiith and kin

I hath encountered my kiith and kin. We are but the rare few, spread too far, too thin. Chance and destiny had a hand in finally bringing us to meet. Walking past this corridor of doors, i heard it calling to me. The beacon, an age old sign, was being broadcast. It matters not what the exact form is, for it is the essence that called to me.

[There’s a lady who’s sure, All that glitters is gold...]
'Er, dude, is that live?'
[And she’s buying a stairway to heaven. When she gets there she knows...]
"Yeah. Live at Budokan."
[If the stores are all closed, With a word she can get what she came for...]
'Oh fuck. Wow. Can I see it?'
[Ooh, ooh, and she’s buying a stairway to heaven.................]
"Sure bro. Come on in"

I have found my kiith and kin. King X. Led Zep. King Diamond. Motorhead. Pantera. Sabbath. Iron Maiden. Eagles. Metallica. Megadeth. Iced Earth. Helloween.

The beacon. It beckons.


****************************************************************************

To a friend:

No, its not just money. And no, you're not incompetent. If i may say so myself you rank yourself too low. You have talent - a sharp mind, not a dulled being. You give yourself too little credit. You chain yourself to a rock and cant move far. Too few people like you, who would pursue knowledge for the sake of intellectual lust. The want to learn. Too many are there those who just pass on by, looking only for the exit, trampling the flowers and killing the ground they touch with in-concern and banality. Too long we wait in the shadows trying to express ourselves, fruitlessly, while the cogs of this vast, well oiled machine rolls on. It doesn't like differences. It's only interested in numbers, results, statistics. Unfortunately, we live in a world like this. It would be impossible to change it, we have no power against it. We MUST follow its rules to survive. This you must know too well.

Yet, I do not say we should not lie down quietly and accept the fate as it is. We can express ourselves, do what we want, in our own ways. Keep your hope. Trust me, there are ways. Look closer and you'll see flowers amidst all this rubble. Luminous beings we are, not this crude matter.

That means, Yes, there is more to life than this drudgery of work work work endless pursuit for the elusive prize in this rat race, trying our darnest to keep up with the Red Queen. Work we must, but why quell your creativity? If you allow yourself to be stifled then you allow them to win. And you would have lost yourself. Restrain it not. People may call you odd names and look at you all funny, but it is only people talking. They are not you. You alone possess the will, the choice to do what you want. Sure, there are constraints, but look at how a tree overcomes a boulder? Its roots find every nook and cranny the boulder offers and shoots into these cracks. In time, it is the tree that conquers the rock. Your music will sing your soul's feelings. There is a feeling that cannot really be expressed in words that finds its voice in music. Why quell it? And get frustrated over it at the same time?

So, most important is to accept this current situation, for only then can we move on. Then, lose not your hope, and strive on to express your creativity. It may be in small little ways, but you will discover that a little can go a far distance. Sometimes it just helps to keep our sanity, and that is enough. Worry not what the others think. Usually its because they don’t understand you, or cant be bothered to use their own senses. Most of the time people are just different, and cannot/do not want to comprehend others. So don’t bother yourself with them.

What I say is only a suggestion, because I feel the way you do. Maybe this might help you through in this conundrum of yours. Maybe you have already thought through all this before. Then this message will serve to let you know that you are not alone. I am doing this because I admire your spirit, in learning, in passion, in your lust for life. I wouldn’t want to see such a spark wither because of such issues. If anything, the spark can only put itself out. Windy gales wouldn’t be able to put it out. And if used properly, a spark is all that is needed to create something as beautiful as an aurora. Remember. You are your own life, and no one else’s. Do what you can with it, do what you want. Then maybe you’ll be able get some sunflowers up in your garden. =]

(Oh, and psych? It’s a good thing, really. And it rewards in more ways than one. Surely more than just monetary gains. I dare say this coz ive a Dad who’s been counseling for years. It is a good direction.)

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

what am i

You ranked as an Accident. You will probably die from an accident, like a car crash, a failed stunt or you missed the net when trapezing.

Accident

100%

Disappear

93%

Suicide

80%

Gunshot

60%

Natural Causes

60%

Eaten

53%

Bomb

40%

Disease

40%

Suffocated

27%

Drowning

20%

Posion

20%

Stabbed

20%

Cut Throat

13%



You scored as Unipolar Depression. Congraulations! You are depressed! You know just how it feels to bear all the world's burdens, and the value of a 19-hour night's sleep. And you really hate that circle-guy thing on your Zoloft pill packets.

Unipolar Depression

92%

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

83%

Antisocial Personality Disorder

75%

Eating Disorders

25%

Schizophrenia

17%

Borderline Personality Disorder

8%


Which mental disorder do you have?
created with QuizFarm.com

So im supposed to be depressive and meet my reaper when a wakeboard slips off someone else because he was tryingto do a silly stunt and screwed up, and the wakeboard comes straight towards me as i am in the water because i fell off too doing some silly stunt and the wakeboard slices my head clean off the shoulders. Or, i could be too darn itchy fingers and provoke a whole school of barracudas and in the end after they pass me by ill be nothing left but bones and an airtank. Or, i could be rockclimbing and one of my cams can pop out so ill fall and swing round back to the rock face and core my head like an apple with a rocky potrusion. Or i could be steve irwin chasing a komodo dragon while doing a film and it nips me enough that i die of gangrene. Or get too comfy with a black mamba which proceeds to bite me on the nose, crickey. OR i could just take happy pills and leap off the cliffs of dover and -happy thoughts - never be found again! what fun.

Ive also ranked as.. an eagle, hard core metalhead(I LOVE!) and im still trying to find a 'whats your character from LOTR' quiz. Anything, so long as im not a dwarf or legolas.

And this censorship thing on tagboards is starting to get irritating. get beeped for even the word damn. So far punani, poontang, wang and balls work. Lord knows ive tried. Do tell if youve found other words that managed to escape the net. Mother*beep* piece of *beep* no good *beep*, if only i *beep* *beep* this *beep**beep*. Bleah.

Gosh darn. Didnt i mention that i think these quizes are a total waste of time? Who wants to know what type of condoms will they be? or what kind of stamp will they be? or what kind of food will they be? AERGH. Fools with TOO much time on their hands. This fools trying to get back to work.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Now for (some verses on) Rohan!

Well, i must say, it was Jet who got me started so much on Tolkien in the first place...

To whatever end… Where is the horse and the rider?
Where is the horn that was blowing?
They have passed like rain on the mountains.
Like wind in the meadow.
The days have gone down in the west.
Behind the hills, into shadow.
How did it come to this?

(In the book it has been, in verse:
"Where now the horse and the rider?
Where is the horn that was blowing?W
here is the helm and the hauberk, and the bright hair flowing?
Where is the hand on the harpstring, and the red fire glowing?
Where is the spring and teh harvest an dthe tall corn growing?
They have passed like rain on the mountain, like a wind in the meadow;
The days have gone down in the West behind the hills into shadow.
Who shall gather the smoke of the dead wood burning,
Or behold the flowing years from the Sea returning"


For death and glory,The horn of Helm Hammerhand shall sound in the deep one last time!
Let this be the hour when we draw swords together. Fell deeds awake.
Now for wrath! Now for ruin! And a red dawn!
Forth Eorlingas!

(Now this was lifted off Eomer's battle cry in the book, he was so much more in the book:"Out of doubt, out of dark to the day's risingI came singing in the sun, sword unsheathingTo hope's end I rode and to heart's breaking: Now for wrath, now for ruin and a red nightfall!")

(Incidentally the song Forth Eorlingas? I am almost dead certain it's sung in two languages. Quenya cos I heard Olorin, and presumably Old English for Rohirric. Bah. I was told by Graves that it apparently is the same theme for Shadowfax, and the lyrics basically hailed Shadowfax as the descendent of the steed of Eorl the Young, by which time, only Tolkien fans' d know what I am talking about.)
:Forth! and fear no darkness!Arise! Arise! Riders of Théoden! Spears shall be shaken, shields shall be splintered!A sword-day! A red day, ere the sun rises!Ride for ruin . . . and the worlds ending!
(In the book, Theoden had shouted:"Arise, arise, Riders of Theoden!Fell deeds awake: fire and slaughter! spear shall be shaken, shield shall be splintered,a sword day, a red day, ere the sun rises!Ride now, ride now! Ride to Gondor!" )
I love the lines of Rohan. I think it is the horses. I am partial to those animals...And oh on top of those lines, here are some of my favourite from the book:
Better to burn sooner than late, for burn we must. Go back to your bonfire! and I? I will go now to my pyre. To my pyre! No tomb for Denethor and Faramir. No tomb! No long slow sleep of death embalmed. we willburn like heathen kings before ever a ship sailed hither from the West. The West has failed. Go back and burn!"

-unapologetically ripped from Jet's blog. Thanks!

Forth Eorlingas!

Forth Eorlingas!
Sons of Rohan, Riders of the Mark,
Hammerhand sounds one last time!
Now for Death, now for Glory
Now for Wrath, now for Ruin!
Now is the time we draw our swords
Now is the time we clash our shields!
Now is the time we ride together!
Ready your spears
Mount your beasts
Flesh be cleaved
and mail be shattered!
Blood of kin and foe will flow
And stain the land, fire and slaughter;
A red day beckons!
Ride now to fell deeds awaking

Ride now to the world's ending
Ride now to the dawn's breaking
AND THE SUN RISES!

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Diving at Semakau

Had the great one-off chance of diving off the ocast of South western semakau. It was very sudden; the dive company called n asked if i wanted to dive off hantu, i said sure, but in the end we ended at semakau. And i can say that the place is really growing. Lots of soft corals, sporadic popping up of plate like hard corals (fungia??). Water was very silty (vis = 3-4 feet). Current was steadily moderate. A more detailed description:

50-40 feet: Very bad vis. Nearly hit bottom when as we only managed to see it 3 feet away from us. nothing much save the occasional seafan.
40-30 feet: Much more seafans and those single stranded twig like corals popping out of the mud. Some nudibranchs. Some squirts and sponges.
30-20 feet: Alot of seafans and some other corals. more nudibranchs. Appearance of sea urchins. Spotted a large synaptid(30 cmlong, 3cm diameter) and a HUGE knobbly sea cucumber (40cm long, 8cm diameter). More Squirts and sponges. Found a feather star.
20-0 feet: Lots of hard plate corals. Curiously lacking brain coral and staghorn/branched hard corals. Huge bunches of soft coral. Urchins in abundance. Few nudibranchs.

Nudibranchs were found in abundance at around 40 - 15 feet. Moderate amounts of Glossodoris atromarginata (ard 10cm). Some compact knobbly white/bluish phyllidia(5cm) species and some pretty marine flatworms(thought they were nudia at first). There were LOTS of those worm-like ones(3-6cm) - probably from suborder aleolinda - looks like Phidiana indica or Pteraeolidia ianthina with its white body exchanged for purple, with tinges of yellow. Sorry but im not terribly good at identifying nudibranch species. Searched from the sea slug forum's species database. Unless someone could direct me to a better database (ie more picture identification friendly)

Curiously, there were NO fishes to be seen, other than one lone butterfly fish at 40 m and a goby at 30m.There must be some lobsters nearby - some fishermen caught one in their bubu traps.

So there it is - deeper water fauna of semakau. Silty water, bad vis. Cant really compare to hantu or sisters islands, but it seemed good enough. There were way too many nudibranchs and no fishes, so i think theres an imbalance in ecology somewhere.

And, please, can someone direct me to any online userfriendly picture orientated database for marine fauna? having a hard time identifying. Otherwise im going to have to invest in literature. Or break in to Ria's house and nick her incredible database for marine fauna. And darn, i havent managed to get my waterproof casing for my cam, or i would have posted up some pics here.