Seeking the Dark Tower

On the path that eventually leads to the clearing in the woods, the Charyou Tree. Fraught with danger, fear and loss, and yet, fulfillment. Welcome.

Friday, June 24, 2005

shards of a world

these few days have been lousy with brooding. so maybe the truth or another shade is cleared out: i generally do not like people. i do not suffer fools, do not tolerate people whose gab flows like a broken tap, or those who do not have enough sense to keep secrets secret. i despise people who play games, crooks and hypocrites; saying one thing while doing another behind our backs or stabbing another. this place is a crazy whirlpool of politics and seething camps. i dislike people, who, genuinely try to preach to me how selflessness should be, are in fact so innately self centered that they do not realise it. leaving behind another friend in lurch. ouh. am i asking too much to be with who i want to be? perfection cannot be attained while i try to seek it, so maybe i should be trying to be satisfied with just fragments. but it becomes so hard to even find or hold on to those few shards.

im probably very much the same as what ive typed, very truly a part of what i despise so much anyway. and maybe that is why i despise them so much. a slight despair in the make up of my own moral fibre.

but thankfully there are a few people whom i approve of, and these people do keep me sane, wether they know it or not. one of em was just very recently fired. fired for standing up for what he believed in, not because of any misperformance. this man, we affectionately call 'big ron' - mustachioed beefy cowboy of a ripe ol' age of 65 - he was what i'd call a 'gunslinger' - a person of the old worlds when morals, a code of honour and rules were paramount, above money and power - when courage, righteousness and acdeptance was what made a man, not his geldings, trappings and ikea furniture. just before he left he left me a gift, in true american fashion - models of a blue chopper and a flaming red chevy nomad. he couldnt pack it into his suitcase and really didnt want to throw it away, so he said ' here ya go kid - keep em well. couldnt think of a better guy to give em to'.
there are things in your possession what come attached with certain memories, good and authentic. these two models, when they sit on my desk in singapore, will be two of them.

big ron taught me something, or rather reinforced something i think is important. all through his life he'd been handed the backside of life, dished the scraps and given the lashings. but he never did falter, and had always held his head up high. this sort of thing you can see in a man's eyes - the fire that burns and never quells. he was content and yea, he did agree with my quote: "done bun can't be undone, so don't sweat the small stuff". so as i last saw him for the rest of my life, big man jacketed in a leather trenchcoat, coors in hand, bruce springsteen singing how it was to be born an american, steady in the strong wind, i waved my last goodbye as i went for work. my only sorrow is that i did not manage to get a photo with him.

well now i feel alot better - like the world wasnt so dark and hopeless. ron werent no man of greatness, but he held his own against the world and i respect that immensely. i do feel alot alto better now, and if for a while only it will be enough. enough of brooding for a while. thankee sai.

dear me - ive just been added to another blog. right now im not too sure im keen on that. but what can i say?


dedicated to big ron. yc out.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

russian (play)workmates

the russian's lady mafia is taking over housekeeping dept. one by one we are being strung apart, the singaporean consortium is being whittled down, transferred out. it seems that i will be the sole survivor in my section-area. the russians are coming. i am the last bulwark against the mafia.
oh well it aint that bad actually.. ive got a cutesome assigned to me as helper for the time being and shes a total sweet. pretty, glam, obedient and hardworking. not to mention she seems rich too. what more could a guy ask? she always smiles when she dosent understand what i say, but does everything i tell her (when she gets it). prime housewifing material. Anyway, housekeeping still gives the most cash for time, due to all the tips and stuff you can jack from the cabins. well not really jack, but stuff they leave behind in them cabins and dont bother to come back for it. so far (in order of personal preference) my stash: The North Face Polartec(tm) cloakie, 27usd extendable titanium-steel alloy walking stick, platypus 2 gallon waterbag with accesories, nike dri-fit sleeveless, reebok shorts among those worth mentioning.

paycheck's in again! 1st paycheck was usd327, now its 420!! woohooo!! am not going down to st geroge again and spend all my money. all this is hard earned money from cleaning soap scum, scraping excerment and pubic hair form the commodes and even (UGH) cleaning a mattress with vaginastains. hell yeah i do deserve it.

this friday we are going to do a cursory hike down the canyons to roaring springs for a recon. doin with (say yeah!) amanda-of-conneticut. shes a budding (rejoyce!) biologist who's hoping to go to boston U for her 2nd year. next sem shes doin invertebrate zoology (say HELL YEAH!), which is just so wow. finally a kindred soul. sweeeeeet. along the way we'll be talking about fossils that we'll be seeing all around the rocks as we walk down the cliffface (using switchbacks of course).

things are starting to look alot better now and, other than an asshole boss and snake-guy, its lookin oh so rosy. looking forward to watchin the sunrise at 4am on friday.

love you guys all.

yc out.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

head is spinning/late for work

ouh. my head is spinning. the czech guys brought in some home brew and threw a whole lot of shit. they got yomeishu tastin shit an we all gettin high an drunk oh god. then in come the raunchy russian girls and
ohh man. im pretty ****ed right now. damn those russains were hot. with hot names like tau, tatiyana, nadia oooh boy. so we gathers in a room and start blayin them silly drinkin games an everyone gets silly. man it is so happy and gay. we nearly got to neck them russians with an orange even. but we gotsa find another room coz the neighbours are complaining
oh i so so love dorm life. my roommates watching like, porn right now so i takes a walk and go to a bonfire where they celebrating some guys birthday. birthday boy is drunk. twat tried to gimme a kiss. shithead. now im in the EDR typin this shit.
oh god im so goin to die tmr. so foing to die. am going to die at work tmr. i sure as hell hope it dont hail again tmer. it aint fun.

*****
EDITED OUT
*****

ah darn i believe i got slightly smashed and overslept. late for work. whoops. luckily i still got my rooms done in time so phew.
anyway, too tired to blog now. playmates will have to wait

oh but this is my itinery after i leave the rim:
play at san fran
go disney ( i really have no love for disney but i have no choice, they vetoed me.. so its off to the happiest place on earth. oh lord help me.)
go uni studios (now THIS is what im talking abt!!!)

details akan datang so grab tight your seats!!!

yc out

Monday, June 06, 2005

"them won big money in vegas an' took off, man!"

the funniest, shittiest thing happened today - my 2 supervisors, Dean and Jerry, bth 65 yr old mules, took off. like, *snap* dissapeared. appareantly they spent a day in the strip and won "as much as they would earn in a season", thats around 9k, and over the night they just packed their bags and took off, dissapeared. just, GONE, man. GONE. damn bastards had even promised us lunch "for a good job done" in housekeeping.

it was on our offday when it happened. we had just gone for a whole day doing shopping and spending HALF my paycheck (150BUCKS!!) on clothes and books. ooh WOOOTTT~!!!! the CK, GUESS, armani, billabong, roxy etc etc etc stuff here is SOOOO GODDDAMN CHEAP! the girls just spent like 4hrs buying tops and jeans at this factory outlet.. well i was there too and i wasnt complaining either. so many bags. gilr got herself a Guess bag that was soooo damn good, even by my standards. all at 14.00USD. i got me a pair of Guess jeans at 17USD. beat that.this is just the tip of the iceberg. Read and be envious, guys and gals!! someones gotta chain me to a car. anyway when we got back to the lodge it was 1230am (takes 3hrs from the lodge to the nearest town - st george), some homies hustled us in to their rooms and dished the:
Bad news- " Dean and Jerry took off"
Worse news - " no more free lunch-treat"
Worst news. "someone else is taking their place."
lets call him snake.

You see, snake's been doin "real well" in front of our superiors. Gettin his quota of rooms done ASAP, then rushing off to help with other rooms to earn extra creds. the thing is, when you help out with other rooms, you help em with the WHOLE room. You see, snake here just does the beds and says he's helped with a room. sweet. other people when they help with a room, they help with everything, from beds to toilet to floors. so with him pulling off such a fast one hes got $65.00 chocked up with doing extra rooms. The rest of us generally get like say 12 - 40 dollars. i got 16bucks myself and i worked my ass off. i know others who work their ass off too and get less than me. furthermore, he does a real quick and nasty job, often leaving the bed ends untucked or the alignment wrong. i myself got gigged by my now-gone supervisor for a lousily made bed. gracis to snake, of course. many are pissed with him. its a rather fubar sitaution for most of us. so ayway, all the higherups think hes a real good guy and promote him in this dire situation. None of us are happy with it. town meeting was called and we tried to reverse the higherup's decision, but no go, his hold on them is too great, and the situation prevails. good for him. lousy for us. some of us, we are joe's simmering rage. we dont talk to him during mealtimes now, he mostly eats alone. Sure is cold up there, i guess.
Jet, tuty, and the rest? you were right. "Watch out of him" you guys said. oh well. too late.
I travelled all the way from home to this beautiful place with this snake. those of you will know who snake is.

Anyway....

Out stargazing again. Im getting to be an expert at this. Scorpious, Virgo, Big n lil dipper, corona borealis and draco are the most visible ones here. Orion is unfortunately unavailable from this side of the hemisphere. But the sky is a splendour. you can even see star clusters and the milky way from here!! astounding. coupled with satellites zipping across the sky all the time and meteors comin on and off, it truly is a beautiful sight. makes you wanna sing. the only thing is, it is COLD AS SHIT up here at night. i wear polartec and goretex, along with ear-warmers and i still freeze. but its worth the sacrifice. too beautiful.

Id want to save another post entirely dedicated to shopping and stuff to buy, so wait out.

its final. gonna hike down to the south rim in a few weeks time. so far ive only gotten one team mate, amanda-hailing-from-conneticut (spelling?) to do this ardous hike. not that im complaining though. shes a demure hottie-with-beautiful-eyes. wide grins. but it IS going to be ardous. looking really forward to it.

just did some illegal rocking a few days ago./ twas while on a trail, we stopped for lunch, and i saw this rock just BEGGING to be climbed. so i rolled up me sleeves and i ROCKED. it was illegal, it was painful, but it felt SOOOO GOOOD. u see the rocks here are sandstone and shale, this rock happens to have so many nice jugs and outcrops it was such a PLEASURE to boulder. and it was festooned with fossils that id jam myself in a crack halfway around and admire it. it was SOOO good. five bloody and hurting fingers afterwards was just so worth it. Clar if you readin this - YA missin out on GOOD STUFF, PAL!!

crackers: huh? "remember you?" as in get you a starmap too or try to find the greater-nudibranch constellation? anyway its the northern hemisphere so i dont think the starmap i have will be working in singapore.

fiza: still no sign of inflatable huggable cave-dude. however, im gonna get you a yellow-submarine singlet. ya want?

felicia: i dont think ill ever get close nuff to any museum to get any nice bookmarks. i could do a flower-pressing and laminate it when i get back to make a nice bookmark - the flowers and leaves here are nice.

mei: if you read this - Yes, you are a spoilt brat. what size are your shoes. otherwise i cant get you good flipflops.

anyone: i think huiqi asked me to get her something.. though i cant remember what it was.. can someone help me ask? i cant seem to find her email anyway.

till then. this is YC signing off.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

'You are Here'

bought me a starmap at pocket-busting USD5.59. only to find that it leaves out the other minor stars to 'facilitate' viewing. gah. the night sky here is just splendorous, and the vast omni-view this galactic starmap, dreams of deep space and all the heavenly bodies and nobodies is all but complete, just merely lacking a 'YOU ARE HERE' sign. Vast. Still toggling with my shutter, apterture and exposure settings to try and capture the sky. no luck so far. guess i'll need to leech mustafa's tripod again. Ranger over at the lodge had this kick-ass telescope with bigass lens and motorized starfinder algorithms. And it was the first time i ever saw Saturn and her rings.

So many displaced among the future dreamers
Realised their doubles took a new step
A question of origin
Only in the recent past, seeking for to realise
Skyward shone like beacons
A question of origin.

Ten thousand millions free to the westward light,
the dreamers represent this arc of peace
As the poets entranced, the anchor redeemed
Secrets of science, the history of the future was surely made
Just what keeps us so alive
Just what makes us realise
Our home is our world, our life
Home is our world

Ascend, ascending to the secrets
All is pure and clear to resolve
Nothing can change us now
Ascend, ascending to the future
Nothing can ever change us now
We follow the sun, We follow the sun, We follow the sun!

'You are Here' ------>