Seeking the Dark Tower

On the path that eventually leads to the clearing in the woods, the Charyou Tree. Fraught with danger, fear and loss, and yet, fulfillment. Welcome.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Your thought addiction
fuels depression
ignites reaction
and your head gets stuck
in a compression.

Your thought addiction
worthless contraption
worrisome contemplation
deprives your life of light
horrendous infarction

Your thought addiction
Your Jim Morrison
You are John Farson in
your own head you see
your own delusions

Your thought addiction
your thought addiction
your thought addiction
you better stop
this terrible condition

Sunday, October 26, 2008

I'm drinking wine, the same kind of wine, in the same kind of bottle, same as we had during our little 'honeymoon' up north in the pristine beaches. Misiognes. Some Peruvian wine. We'd drunk the wine, and we were giddy with love. But that was in the good past. Maybe I was drinking to that.
And why I walked the streets like a hobo at 1am with a bottle in hand I can't really say, but I do think it has something to do with the act of severing something akin to an artery this morning. One of the last few beams left standing. The whole day had seemed colorless after that. In any case the streets at night always seemed more appealing - it belonged to me and the dogs, no one else in sight. As if a sudden plague had struck and everyone was gone. The only ones left would be the now dead occupants of the cars I would circle in the orange sodium lights, and while it wasn't happiness, it was something I could be content with. Strange thoughts would permeate. My eyes are bloodshot, and not just from the wine.

I wish I could make something of this. It wasn't any of that kind of sorrow I felt, just exceedingly sad. Like something come and passed away.

Many of my feelings i felt these past months have been selfish, and in a way, defensive. But I think this time, while what I feel isn't selfless, I don't think its for myself entirely.

I feel sorry for the entire state of affairs.

I keep thinking, hope is a luxury i may not have anymore.

Yet i still do wish. All I can do is pray, I guess.

I must be done with all that thinking, that analysis, that over analysis. It doesnt do a thing, never managed to solve a thing.

Am I mourning?

I really can't think of anything more to say. I wish I could.